When I tell them I’ve never had sex
—that I am a “virgin”—
I am praised
“That’s smart of you”
“How good of you to wait till marriage”
“You can’t find girls like you anymore”
When I tell them that I’m not waiting for anything
That I probably won’t ever be married
That I’m simply following my desires
—my “lack” of desire—
I am scorned
“Don’t be ridiculous”
“Everyone wants sex”
“You’ll change your mind one day”
“You just haven’t found the right man”
“I feel sorry for you; I’d never want to be like that”
“Don’t you think that’s a bit selfish of you”
But I know that if I did want sex
If were to have sex
I would be shamed
“Learn to keep your legs closed”
“What will your husband think”
Why do I have to want sex only to be hated for wanting it?
Why am I derided for doing what I would be told to do if I weren’t doing it?
Why must I act in accordance to the husband I’ll never have?
Why should I “save” myself for a wedding night I’ll never want?
Why am I shamed for doing nothing? For wanting nothing?
“It’s such a waste”
“Aren’t you lonely”
“You should get help for that”
“Quit being such a prude”
“Don’t say that, you’ll meet someone”
“Don’t you want to give your parents grandkids”
They’ll say I’ve waited too long
When I wasn’t waiting for anything in the first place
They’ll impart condolences for imagined regrets
When I have been content all along
Why should it matter
If my only kiss was with my friend on the elementary playground
The rest given to pets and cheeks
If the only bed I’ve shared was with a friend
Pillows and whispered secrets between us
If I prefer held hands, arms wrapped around shoulders and waists, ankles locked under tables
Carefully doled affection among friends
“Are you sure”
I have always been
What if it’s a phase?
What if it is? That doesn’t stop you being asexual right now.
It may be tempting to hold back on accepting your asexuality in the hope that eventually you’ll ‘bloom’ into a sexual person. I’m not saying that might not eventually happen, but consider this: do you want to spend your life thinking of yourself as an undeveloped person, living for the dreamed of day when you’ll become whole? Might you feel more comfortable accepting who you are now as a whole complete valid person? Maybe one day you will “bloom”, and if and when you do, you won’t have lost anything by being comfortable in the mean time.
There’s no shame in identifying as one thing and then later identifying as another. Your identity isn’t meant to limit you. If you’ve moved on or changed, then by all means describe yourself differently. If you fear you might be different in the future, that doesn’t change which label is most useful to you in the present. There’s nothing wrong with change.—
I feel this is something people need to read. This can apply to any sexuality, not just asexuality.